Don't have the time to post...

So I'm going to post a series of emails I've been exchanging with a friend this week.

Read from the bottom up... The basic gist is that my friend, Ahren, who lives in Washington wants my brother Bryn to move to Seattle. I want Bryn to move to Portland. Thus we are locked in a battle to the death. Of something.

_____________________________

You have restored your honor, Skye-san. And no hurry on the shirt.

Thanks,

Ahren

----- Original Message ----
From: Skye
To: Ahren
Cc: Bryn
- Hide quoted text -
Sent: Tuesday, September 25, 2007 10:36:17 PM
Subject: Re: You lose, sucker.

I've had a change of heart. I've realized that all this threatening each other isn't right. We all need to learn to get along. Since, after all, we'll still want to be friends after Bryn moves to Portland.

As a gesture of my goodwill, I'll be returning the t-shirt, unharmed. In fact, cleaner than it was. The only delay may be in finding the time to actually go to a post office. But rest assured, your beloved shirt will return home someday.

Remember that when you're angry that Bryn picked Portland. We Oregonians treated you and your shirt with respect.

Skye "The Peacemaker"

On 9/24/07, Ahren wrote:

I believe you mean ninjas and "terrorists". But yes, they can -- coconut smoothies can heal all wounds.

Ahren

----- Original Message ----
From: Bryn
To: Ahren
Cc: Skye
Sent: Monday, September 24, 2007 1:52:11 PM
Subject: Re: You lose, sucker.

Just a rumor I heard: Ninjas and Pirates can happily coexist in Hawaii.

Bryn

Ahren wrote:
> Furby,
>
> Let's get something straight. As a veteran fan of action movies,
> something as mundane as tempered glass is woefully insufficient to
> thwart any rescue attempt I might make. Bruce Willis handled this in
> the first Die Hard movie by simply shooting the glass, and he wasn't
> even wearing shoes. This is of course in lieu of the more subtle
> ninja-esque techniques I would deploy, such as laser cutters or small
> charges at the corners of the window. Or something more badass like
> having Taiko crash through it with a motorcycle -- you just won't know
> until it happens.
>
> And while your dog is cute, we have virtually unlimited access to all
> manner of cute rental dogs for chick-attraction purposes. However,
> Bryn might end up with one permanently, so he should take that under
> consideration.
>
> Lastly, your crass threats about the tortuous death of my shirt only
> further solidify your position on the lunatic fringe of society. My
> shirt is prepared to die for Bryn -- it knew what it was in for when
> it signed on.
> Ninja Ahren
>
>
> ----- Original Message ----
> From: Skye
> To: Ahren
> Cc: Bryn
> Sent: Monday, September 24, 2007 10:27:40 AM
> Subject: Re: You lose, sucker.
>
> Okay, Ninja weirdo. Actually, I value that bizarro frosted glass
> window over our staircase very little, so feel free to come crashing
> through it at any time, shirt rescue or no. Of course, the reason
> it's frosted in the first place is because it had to be replaced with
> tempered glass, so the liklihood is that you'll just go bouncing off
> of it and bruise yourself. You're not as young as Bryn anymore.
>
> As for the CNC router sneakiness, we still have a Siberian Husky chick
> magnet that you cannot hope to compete with. Feel free to mail the
> pieces of Bryn's new Portland house down here at any time. Perhaps
> you can drive them down personally when you show up to NOT break into
> our house via the ugly window.
>
> The shirt is being treated very well, for now. It has been washed and
> is enjoying a relaxing life. Unless of course you do not immediately
> cease and desist all communications with my brother (the future
> Oregonian), in which case it'll be mailed back to you, piece by piece.
>
> Negotiate with that, buddy.
>
> Skye
>
> On 9/24/07, *Ahren* wrote:
>
> Don't be surprised if my next stunt is a Delta Force style,
> grappling hook enabled rescue attempt of my shirt. I don't
> negotiate with terrorists, especially Oregonian weirdoes. If you
> value the frosted window over your staircase, I suggest you
> refrain from harming it.
>
> That being said, the shirt is kind of old, cost me $12 at Target,
> and has a bleach spot on it. I don't know that it's worth the
> cost of shipping. Unless you were to include cookies as a peace
> offering.
>
> Bryn, I hope you can see that this sort of extortion is just part
> of the campaign of lies being run by the Portlanders. Also, I got
> my CNC router running this weekend, which is just one more reason
> for you to move to Seattle. I'll start cutting out the pieces for
> your new Seattle house on it this evening.
>
> Ahren "Chuck Norris"
>
> PS My address is:
>
> ----- Original Message ----
> From: Skye
> To: Ahren
> Cc: Bryn
> Sent: Monday, September 24, 2007 9:11:29 AM
> Subject: You lose, sucker.
>
> We're holding your "I do all my own stunts" t-shirt hostage.
> Ransom: give up your foolish attempts to make Bryn move to
> Washington. As soon as he moves to Portland, you'll see your
> shirt again. Assuming we have a current address for you, of course.
>
> Remember, no more "Bryn moves to Washington" crap.
>
> Skye
>
>
>